Coping with infertility and loss during the holidays can be tricky. This time of year often means being surrounded by family and their children, participating in traditions that highlight the joy of togetherness. But for those facing fertility challenges, this season can serve as a painful reminder of the family you long to have.

The emotional weight of the holidays can intensify the already challenging journey of fertility treatments, making it difficult to fully embrace the joy of the season. To help you navigate what might not feel like the “most wonderful time of the year,” I’m sharing some tips to help you plan for the holiday you want instead of enduring what you may dread.

1. Check In With Yourself Daily

Taking a moment each day for prayer, meditation, or journaling can help you connect with your emotional needs. Your feelings may change from day to day, and that’s completely okay. By staying attuned to your needs, you can prioritize self-care throughout the holiday season.

2. Set Boundaries and Prepare to Pivot

Be selective about the events you choose to attend. Ask yourself how you’ll feel if you go versus if you don’t. It’s perfectly okay to skip gatherings where you may feel uncomfortable, especially around children. If you decide to attend, plan your exit strategy to leave early if you need to pivot. Prioritizing your comfort is key.

3. Prepare for Unwanted Questions

Think ahead about how to respond to common questions about family planning. Practice your responses so you feel prepared and empowered to set boundaries without revealing more than you’re comfortable with.

4. Be Honest About Your Feelings

Don’t be afraid to express how you’re feeling with people you trust. Sharing your emotions can help you process them more quickly and create space for positive feelings. Acknowledging your reality allows you to take back control and connect authentically with others.

5. Celebrate the Holidays Your Way

Do what feels right for you! Whether it’s decorating, listening to holiday music, or simply enjoying your favorite foods, take the time to celebrate the way you want. Remember, the holidays are yours to define, free from external expectations.

6. Consider Taking a Break from Treatments

If the thought of navigating fertility treatments during the holidays feels overwhelming, talk to your doctor about a potential break. Sometimes, it can be beneficial to pause until after the holiday season.

7. Create New (Child-Free) Traditions

While it can be difficult to envision a holiday season without children, or the family you planned, consider creating new traditions that resonate with you. Find comfort in celebrating with friends and family who also share similar experiences.

8. Seek Support When Needed

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support during this challenging time. Whether through therapy or support groups (which you can find on sites like Resolve or RTZ Hope), having a safe space to share your feelings can be invaluable.

Coping with the holiday season can be particularly tough for individuals and couples facing infertility and loss. Wherever you are on your path, remember to be gentle with yourself. I hope these tips can help you create a holiday season filled with love and hope that you deserve.