Relationships are already complex, and when infertility and loss enter the picture, they can become even more challenging. These experiences can bring intense emotions, including grief, frustration, and anxiety, which often place strain on even the strongest partnerships. While it’s natural for these stressors to take up a significant amount of mental and emotional space, it’s also a time when your relationship needs nurturing and support more than ever.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I want to share three essential strategies to help couples maintain a strong and connected relationship, even in the midst of fertility struggles and loss.

1. Make a Date to Check-In Daily

Infertility can be an all-consuming journey that impacts both partners in different ways. Even though you are walking this road together, your personal experiences and emotions may differ, and that’s completely okay. One of the most effective ways to stay connected during this time is to schedule a daily check-in with your partner.

Setting aside just 20 minutes each day to share the highlights and lowlights of your day can help create a safe space for open communication. This habit fosters emotional intimacy, helps you both feel heard and understood, and strengthens your ability to problem-solve and navigate more intense conflicts when they arise.

2. Be Gentle with Your Partner (and Yourself) During Conflict

Growing your family or coping with loss is emotionally exhausting. Prolonged stress can make you more irritable, less patient, and more likely to react impulsively in moments of frustration. It’s common to feel overwhelmed and unintentionally direct anger or blame toward your partner.

Instead of blaming statements like, “You never help manage our appointments,” try using “I” statements that express your needs, such as, “I need your help in managing these appointments. I’m feeling overwhelmed.” Shifting the language from blame to request not only reduces defensiveness but also encourages a collaborative and supportive approach to problem-solving. Remember to extend the same kindness and patience to yourself as you navigate this emotionally demanding time.

3. Approach Conflict as an Opportunity for Growth

Conflict, though often uncomfortable, is an essential part of any relationship, and even more so when you’re dealing with infertility and loss. Disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable, but rather than seeing them as negative, view them as opportunities for growth.

Learning to manage conflict in a healthy way strengthens your relationship, particularly in times when you and your partner may not be on the same page. Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, approach them with curiosity and the intention to understand each other’s perspectives. Practicing active listening, validating each other’s feelings, and working as a team can help you emerge from conflicts with a stronger, more resilient bond.

Final Thoughts

Infertility and loss can be deeply isolating experiences, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. By prioritizing daily check-ins, practicing gentleness during conflicts, and reframing challenges as opportunities for growth, you and your partner can strengthen your connection and support each other through this difficult journey.

Your relationship deserves care and attention, even in the face of immense stress. Lean into each other, communicate openly, and remember—you are in this together.